« First Spam Message Ever Sent Made No Mention of Mortgage Refinancing or Viagra | Main | Apple vs. Google: Battle of the Management Styles »
How to Be Unhappy at Work
By Richard Nantel | May 13, 2008
As a reaction to the media attention being bestowed on the subject of positive psychology and happiness, Eric G. Wilson has written a book, Against Happiness: In Praise of Melancholy, that focuses on the benefits of unhappiness. According to Wilson, melancholia can lead to inspiration and creativity. Would Vincent Van Gogh have produced such wonderful art had he not been depressed enough to slice off his ear? Nuff said.
Need more inspiration and creativity at work? Perhaps the problem is that you’re too happy. To embrace the miserable employee within you, you can do the opposite of what positive psychologists have learned generates happiness:
- Don’t pay attention to the present. Instead, just keep your focus on retirement. Only 15 years, 243 days, six hours, and 58 seconds left to go!
- Hate your coworkers. Working with people you like will generate a warm feeling of being part of a team. Think Jane down the hall in accounting is a nice person? Get real. She would stab you in the back just to get your stapler and post-it note dispenser.
- Hold grudges. Did Hank in the IT department publicly humiliate you by disagreeing with your idea to reinstall Windows ME on all department computers? Put his name on a mental list. Act cheerful around him. Plot your revenge. Wait patiently. People who forgive have been shown to be happier. Don’t ever forgive or forget.
- Eliminate your social circle. Having a rich social life significantly increases happiness. So, try to work from home. Don’t speak with your neighbors. Have your groceries delivered. Ask the delivery person to place the bags at the door. Leave the payment in the mailbox.
- Don’t exercise. Research indicates exercise can alleviate depression better than medication. Stay as still as possible. If you must go anywhere, take the car even if it’s just to the end of the driveway to pick up the newspaper.
- It’s all about the money. Can you believe some people win the lotto and keep coming to work? Morons. There’s only one reason for you to haul your body in each day: moolah. If your job is stimulating and generates a sense of achievement, you should immediately look for something else.
- Multitask like crazy. Immersing yourself completely in a task can lead to a state of “flow,” which has been proven to raise a person’s level of happiness. Check your e-mail and voice mail every minute, keep logged in to all your chat applications, keep your cell phone on at all times, and turn up the volume of that Youtube video while working on something else.
- Never be grateful. Something as simple as mentally making a daily list of five things for which you are grateful has been shown to make people happier. So never be grateful for anything. You deserve much more than you’re getting. Have you just received another raise? Like it’s enough! Other organizations would pay you twice as much.
I know. All of this sounds like a lot of work. But, millions of people have achieved unhappiness at work, and, by following these simple guidelines, you can too.
Topics: Positive psychology, Talent Management |
May 13th, 2008 at 5:43 pm
Thanks Richard. I’ve been looking for ages on how to be less happy. Might I also suggest removing any comfortable surroundings. Yesterday, I replaced my leather, cushioned, wheely chair for a public classroom chair with a plastic seat and back that are about as comfortable as concrete slabs and I feel worse already! I’m also working on the music. At first, Billy Joel was doing a pretty good job of bringing me down, but I found my foot tapping along, so now I’m in pursuit for a 1960’s William Shatner album. I’ll let you know how that turns out. Thanks again!
May 13th, 2008 at 11:22 pm
Adam:
The William Shatner album won’t work. I’ve listened to it and it always makes me smile, especially during the spoken word version of “Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds.”
For music to make you unhappy, try some of the atonal stuff from the turn of the 20th century. Marching band music might work as well. If not, there’s always country music.